Inside The Mind From an American in Cotonou

Watch beeps. Presses all 3 buttons before finally hitting the snooze button. 

Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? It's still night time?!? I think it's illegal to wake up before sunrise in Benin... yeah, that's a law I'm sure. If it's legal to dump trash on the side of the road, it's definitely illegal to wake up before sunrise.

Power cuts.

Gosh dangit! Okay, either that was a sign from God telling me to get out of bed and go work out, or it's just another power cut from the good folks at La Societé Beninoise d'Energie Electrique cutting out the power because Nigeria refuses to fuel Benin any power. Probably the latter. 

Keeps trying to find energy to get out of bed. Fails. Alarm clock goes off. Snooze. Alarm clock. Snooze. Alarm clock. Snooze.

Okay, I should really get up now. But uuhhhh... I didn't get any sleep last night after sleeping on the table... gaahlasdflh;asdfhasl;dhaf

Yeah, there has been so many power outages in the past week (and they are always at night for at least 6 hours). My bed gets pretty hot without a fan (who woulda thunk!?!?) so, well next best bet is getting a little carpet and laying it on the table in the living room because it gets the best breeze!

Stumbles to the shower. Finds flip flops. Showers. Brushes teeth. Flosses. Throws floss out the window as there is no trash can. Shaves. Gets dressed. 

Don't feel too hungry, so I guess I'll skip breakfast again. Oh what I would do for a nice cold bowl of cereal, with real milk. Well, I'll just have to wait for the beginning of the month so I can actually buy some cereal! 

Sits at study desk made out of backup water jugs, waste bins, and an old ironing board. Studies. Wonders when the power will come back on. Finishes studying. Gets shoes on. Prays with companions. Heads out. 

Ah... another new day in paradise... 

Chuckles.

Haha... that's a good joke. At least I've still got my sense of humor!

Talks with Elder Lala. Debates on how BMWs are better than Mercedes-Benz. Makes fun of Elder Lala for being French. However, both realize that as they were busy debating they finally got to the "Stench of Death" section of their daily way to the Bureau. 

Oh gosh, why does it have to smell so bad!?!?! A mix of so many awful smells combined into one horrendous smell?!? What is going on? Why is my nose going through this. 

Passes through.

Oh goodness, finally. 

Gets to the end of the street to a busy main road. Sees pedestrian bridge 50 meters away. Crosses street anyway. Gets to median. Crosses street again, almost clips a moto. Makes it to the end.

Oh if only Fa-ro knew!

Makes it to the Bureau. 

Ah. AIR CONDITIONING! That's probably the best part about the bureau... air conditioning. Plus, with the generator we always have AC! What a miraculous blessing, to be able to work in the Bureau! 

Says hi to Sister Semken as usual. Puts bag next to desk, but just before sitting down, Elder Semken comes down and asks for help with translating for one of the missionary apartment's landlords. 

Oh great, here we go again. Having somebody who barely speaks French translate somebody who barely speaks French too. This can only go so well!

Hears the landlord say he has to support his 60 kids.

WHOA. HOLD ON. Did that guy really just say he has 60 kids?!?!?! Oh right... this guy has multiple wives, forgot about that! Still 60 kids is pretty ridiculous! I can see why he needs the missionary's rent! Too bad he's not a good landlord. 

Landlord storms off. Sees Elder Lala with a big grin on his face and tells me that he told me this would happen. Then tells me that Elder Ouonnebo got in a car accident and knocked a moto driver off his moto. 

Mass chaos erupts in office as it goes into operation over drive crises mode. Sirens come out of the walls indicating crisis mode red alert. Pulls out rifle from desk and puts on grenade belt. Goes to the mission safe, blows it open, and takes out all the cash like a mad man. Kicks down doors for no reason. Rips off white shirt in hulk-like fashion, yelling war cries at the same time. The apocalypse has commenced. 

Okay, I made that last part up.

Calls member from Gbegamey branch who happens to be the retired Police Chief of Cotonou. Goes with Elder Semken to pick him up and go to the police station. Then goes to the hospital to check on the accident victim. He's fine. Goes back to the office to pick up Elder Ouonnebo and other witnesses. Goes back to police station. Then goes to African Assurance, the mission car insurance company. Then goes back to police station, who refuses to give back our vehicle papers even though the assistants need them in order to drive the car over to Togo the next day. Former police chief pulls some strings and we get the papers (of course, with a little bribe to sweeten the deal). And just like that, it's 7 PM.

Oh my goodness, I am so tired. Who would have thought that driving around Cotonou solving a little car crash would be so complicated and time consuming. People always ask me if the Bureau is easy because it's not the regular grind of the mission and I would have to say yes and no, but no because I always feel like I have to be ready for whatever happens. 

Gets back to the bureau. Feels absolutely tired, drained. Just wants to go back to the apartment and sleep. Has no idea what to cook for dinner but is starving nevertheless. Then is reminded that we have one last 7 o'clock appointment with a Nigerian investigator. 

All I want to do is sleep! Okay, I'll call him and find out if he's actually coming.

Calls and finds out he is actually coming.

Ughhhhhh... I know I'm an awful missionary for not wanting to teach another lesson today but feel so worn out after all the running around. Garralkjl;asjelkadfjl;asdkldfkldfa.

Slaps a smile on. Ami gets here. Welcomes him. Starts lesson with a prayer. The lesson plan was to talk about the law of tithing, but the ami had other plans. As it happens, he has been weighed down by his new job, which limits him from coming to Church on Sundays as he has to work. He knows he needs to go to Church, but at the same time, he needs the money and has been looking for work for months. All of a sudden, the little "Elder Hawkins" problems seem so small by comparison to the needs of the ami. 

Heavenly Father, please, help me! What do I say! Please, please, please!

Continues to listen to his amis problems and even starts feeling the stress of his problems. All of a sudden, the words "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart..." comes to mind. Of course, it's Fro's favorite scripture: Proverbs 3:5-7. "...lean not unto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Then testifies of the power of faith and tells him to trust in the Lord and not himself, for the Lord would guide him better than he could guide himself. The ami, silent but focused on what was said. Companions testify powerfully in the English that they know, which is just enough. Ends lesson with the ami saying the prayer. Sets another appointment. Says goodbye. Locks up the bureau. Walks on the way home. 

Those lessons always get to me... sometimes my problems seem absolutely ridiculous compared to these people, who are literally fighting for their well being. I complain about not being able to find cheep cheese, whereas these people don't even have the means to buy water. I complain about the electricity cutting out every night whereas these people can't even pay their monthly electricity bills. I complain about being in Benin/Togo for two years whereas these people know no other way of life. 

Looks up at the stars and realizes that home is still a long ways away. 

Yet at the same time, I know there's a higher purpose, a higher reason as to being in the "armpit of Africa." It might not be to clean up all the streets. It might not be to fix all of the corruption problems. It might not even be to feed the millions going without food in this country. At the end of the day, it's not about feeding millions fish for a day... but about teaching that one man to fish, that one man to believe that he has a higher purpose, that one man to believe that God has a plan for him. 

Gets home. Heats up charwama that was bought three days ago. Writes in journal. Wonders what the next day will hold. Knows that there will be more problems to deal with, more souls to comfort, and more stress to relieve. It all seems a little overwhelming, but then again...

Is it ever not worth it?

--

Love you all!

Elder Hawkins 

Pics from the roof

The dinosaurs in the distance....or cranes.  Whatever.

The one with the two cranes is where the new American Embassy is going up!

I Will Go, I Will Do

My goodness gracious... I got to tell you all first off that I am already super tired from responding to the like 20 emails I got this week... I wish I could just combine everything I said in the emails I sent out to people because I think that would be the perfect weekly email! How awesome to get that many emails though, thank you!!!

This week was tough like last week, not going to lie. Tombez-vous left and right. No amis came to Church yesterday. Early returns to the apartment again this week. 

Yup, it's the life alright. 

I'm trying my best to keep my chin held high and my head up, but there are a lot of reasons to keep looking down at the ground, like I said before. It has been almost two months in this sector and I feel like nothing has really changed in terms of the problems we are having. It's also been FREEZING this past week, even more so than usual. My temp gauge in my room went to the lowest I have ever seen it at: 76.5 degrees. Burrrrrrrrr... really the problem is when there's wind. When it's not windy, the weather feels great and somewhat enjoyable... but it has been super windy this week so that hasn't really been the case. 

Anyway, let's get away from the more depressing parts of the week... this week we did have our Zone Conference... which means CHARWAMAS AND HAMBURGERS! WIN! That made me happy this week, for sure... oh and we did learn a lot of cool and valuable things too of course, but I'll get to that later. 

Before the conference, Sister Weed asked us all to wear red ties because she wanted us all matching for our zone pictures that we would be taking. Now, Elder Haggard and I were pretty bummed because we wanted to wear and show off our cool pine ties that Soeur Sonia made for us. BUT! No need to fear... she went out teaching with us on Tuesday and I just casually mentioned our little predicament to her. She told me she was totally up for it! So, just like that and in two days, we were able to wip up 4 pine ties for the whole district of Kodjoviakope! We spent a few hours at her house trying to make them (she doesn't have many lights for the courtyard in her parcel so we were all using the flashlights on our cell phones!). 

Tried to get some good pictures of the sewing machine Soeur Sonia uses to sew with... it's a classic
non-electric step pedal sewing machine thingy. 

Thought Fro might like that... also... she can get that thing going pretty fast when she gets in the rhythm!

Elder Digbe and Soeur Sonia... Digbe is holding up the cell phone with the flashlight so she can see!

Me ironing some pine ties using a classic non-electric actually-made-out-of-iron iron! And I only thought Fro used those for decoration! 

Needless to say, the next day we were all looking pretty sharp in our pine ties. I think everyone was a little bit jealous, but mostly because we were all pretty cool since we were matching! After the conference Sister Weed and President Weed noticed that we were all matching and they had to get a cool picture of all of us together! 

The final product! Looking sharp in front of the new sign they finally put up at the new church building in Kegue.

So yeah, I would have to say that was the highlight of my week this week... charwamas and pine ties. 

One of the things I remember most about what President talked about was his analogy of the mission. In the mission, it's a huge joke because it seems like every conference he compares the mission to something. My first conference, we were all in a boat. My second conference, we were all in a bottle. So, somebody asked at the end of this past conference what we were in this time... thankfully, President had a good sense of humor and he told us that we are now on one of those boats in a bottle! Everyone got a good kick out of that! 

Also, some big news happened this week in Kodjoviakope. For the first time in the history of our little group (it's been around 2 years) we have finally gotten a new Group Leader! Fr. Alex is no longer our group leader and many, many members are so happy and relieved. I think Fr. Alex is relieved too because I found out he had moved out to somewhere that was 30 minutes away 6 months ago! It definitely explains why he was always late to everything. However, I really hope the group can progress now that we have a new group leader. His name is Fr. Marcelyn and he is really cool! He and his wife were converted last year and they have a really cute daughter at the age of like 3-4. Great choice and I hope the group can start progressing. The key is that now that Fr Alex, the scapegoat for all our problems before, is gone, we have to actually step up and work on turning this group into a branch. It will be tough but I have confidence in the group. 

I'm not really sure what else to say right now... just keep praying for me because this sector is hard and has been a real trial for me. Pray that the right people will be put in my path. Pray that people will have an accepting heart. Pray that people will just respect the rendez-vous! 

One thing I realized about being a missionary is this: being a missionary sucks when you're not doing missionary work. Because if you're not doing the work you were called to do, it just doesn't feel right. Sure missionary work is hard, but so is every other kind of work out there. We all get a little tired. We all get a little discouraged. That's life... stuff like that is supposed to happen! 

I think the key this week will be Proverbs 3:5-7, or as I call it, the Fro scripture (since it's her favorite scripture):

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes:
fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

This week I've been letting myself get down on the failures I've been having in this sector... My fear is that I will have done nothing to make this sector better than it was when I first found it. 

But, like the scripture says, I can't lean unto my own understanding. I need to trust in the Lord with all my heart because he can work miracles in our lives. The only thing that depends on is our faith in Him and His ways. Really it's the only thing I got at this point, because everything I see in my own eyes is pretty bleak and not too promising... but at the end of the day, He knows more than I do and if there's anybody who can make miracles happen, it's Him.  

I know the Lord has got plans for me out here in Nyekonakpoe... and I think Nephi sums up my feelings pretty well as to what I have to do now: 

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

Thanks again for all the prayers, emails and the support everybody. Talk to you again next week! 

Love,

Elder Hawkins

Note from the Fro: First of all...he's freezing at 76.5 degrees.  I find that hilarious!  How is he going to ever survive winter when he gets home?  Second....LOVE the sewing machine. With a "treadle" (er, step thingy!). It's a Janome!  How cool is that?  And the fabric!  I think he needs to start buying me this pine fabric.  Maybe I should send Soeur Sonia some of MY fabric in exchange?  I think it was also tough for him knowing that we were at the beach without him (it's not easy for Fro either!) but thought it was cool that we were connected by the same ocean. He also said they're trying to think of activities to get their members and investigators involved in.  He's really excited that this week they get to do a service project for Mormon Helping Hands.  Hopefully he'll give us more details on that next week!  Thank you all for supporting our Elder, I know he can feel your prayers. :)